I must confess that writing about my life’s story sometimes leaves me wondering. Wondering if some of the memories, relating to the traumatic experiences that have plagued my early adult years, are entirely accurate.
Let me elaborate. The big picture perspective of the events leading up to, including the murders, and its impact on my family has been well documented. Currently in my possession are numerous copies of court documents, statements, depositions, court filings, and hand written notes of all the survivors. I also have all of the court documents, statements, depositions, court filings of the defendant, aka the murder. The paperwork alone weighs in at over fifteen pounds.
Additionally, I also have two large filing boxes filled with pictures – the old 35mm type – which primarily consist of family members, the houses we lived in and of myself at different stages of my life (prior & after). I use the paperwork & the pictures to vet my memories.
The writing, and all those that are encompassed within it has to ring true and be authentic, this is my primary goal. In my office, I’ve set up a collage, of the different photos which are relevant to this story on a push pin cork board. Likewise, I have also categorized the aforementioned court documents relating to each individual, and their specific involvements.
My mind map of thoughts, story line, goals, and focus questions are on a white board directly beside my desk to the left.
The question of mental validity is not with the components of the case, that part is black and white, written down for an eternity and validated by much sharper minds than mine.
The real question of memory reliance is with what happened after. You’ll see in my writings, the darkness which tried relentlessly to snub out my life and ruin my chance at a viable future didn’t stop when the gun-smoke & bullets had finally dissipated.
So it begins again.
Midlife crisis. A midlife crisis as “an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age”- Google
Well, that works for me! I am totally using the midlife crisis as a springboard to put myself out there and start a new direction for my life within the world of gun ownership: emotion & thought management techniques every gun owner should know. Please join me in wishing myself a long and productive career filled with many interesting moments and profound results, serving and shaping our world into a safer place for us all to live.
The whole story – almost
I’m at the point where trying to do those things which are perceived as normal and relative to my station in life feel full of falsehood. I’m at the point where I’m tired of not embracing the courage, to have the vulnerability, to put my real self out into the real world. To really risk acceptance, to be judged, to be loved, or even to be hated.
I am taking the opportunity of this cornerstone birthday to launch myself into outer space. I am humbly asking that the universe’s parachute of destiny open up and bring me back down safely to the face of the planet. The friends, acquaintances, family, and others who choose to connect with me on this journey make up the fuel for my lift off. Please let me extend a warm thank you, to each of you, for your support. We are amidst a sea of change, a reality shift for which we have no understanding to draw upon, this creates a opening within the mind. A new normal will emerge, I am going to do my part to help it become empowered and sustainable.
I’d like to believe that most of you who know me personally will likely think of me as a generous, kind, and seemingly emotionally balanced man. Well, I wasn’t always this way, I’ve spent the last thirty-three years learning how to manage my thoughts & emotions, consequently controlling the outcomes of my actions.
Please let me invite you to follow along and engage. I will outline some of the tools developed, resources found, insights learned and challenges overcome during my emotional roller coaster of life. If you do decide to be part of my new journey, here are a few things you can expect from me.
- To publish here either of a select chapter I am working on or of a thought process, I currently have.
- To engage in feedback and answer questions that relate to any questions or comments. (Facebook or Blog) – your choice.
- To hold myself accountable and finish this @#$!*&^ book.
- To be in Gratitude for those who ask the hard questions and demand more.
- To give no credence to those who are transmit pain and hatred in the questions or comments – I will stay the course.
- To be honest and authentic within all the works that I do.
Be Safe, Be Smart
P.S. on the comment section, under each individual post, there is a form which has to be filled out. The section “website” does not have to be filled out in order to post your comment. If you would please add your email, this will automatically notify you when a new blog entry is published. If you would please do this for me, I will sign a personal inscription to you within the book cover when it is published.
Copyright © 2020 Michael Headberg, All Rights Reserved.
“To be clear, you do not have permission to take material from my blog and reproduce it in any format.“